February 16th, 2013: No More Breathing Tube!

This afternoon, I am sitting next to my mami as she sleeps.  Last night was a rough night for her.  It was the first full night that she did not have the respirator.  Naturally, she was nervous.  I promised her that if she slept, right now, I would sit next to her side and make sure she was still breathing.  So here I am...sitting next to my mom, the strongest woman I know, journey from place of pain towards physical recovery.

My mami is noticeably doing better than when I last saw her on Wednesday.  She does not have a breathing tube!  Praise the Lord!  Since she is having trouble swallowing she does have a new very small feeding tube in her nose - it is much smaller than before.  My mami did request some frozen yogurt from Yogurtland yesterday, so my papi just left a little while ago to pick up so froyo so that my mom can attempt to eat again soon.  Froyo is a great first food!  She also has more strength.  The nurses and physical therapists are helping her stand up every day so she can regain her muscles in her legs.  The range of motion in her right arm is wonderful.  Her left arm has strength but it is a bit weaker.  For me the biggest sign of improvement is that she can talk - full thoughts and sentences.   Alleluia!  Even though I should not be saying the A-word during Lent, I do feel the need to rejoice - her slow recovery is a pure gift from God.  Her spoken word is not loud, it has come back a little louder than a whisper.  As she gains strength in her neck her speech will become louder.

Naturally with her voice returning she is asking a lot of questions.  Some of the questions are basic, for example, what do I have?  My papi and I have told her several times about GBS.  The whole time she's been in the hospital we have been honest with her about her condition.  She has also been saying things like, "I am not a bad person.  I am not a bad mom."  I have been reassuring her that she is not a bad person and that she is not a bad mother.  If anything she is exactly the mother I want and love.  She's exactly what I need to be the person that I am.  God gave her to me as my mami.  I think, when the time is appropriate, her and I need to talk about God's goodness and the fact that God does not inflict pain upon us.  Rather, as I stated in an earlier blog, where there is sin, pain, and suffering, somewhere in all of that God is present.  I think one of the biggest challenges that my mom will face in her recovery is the fact that she will need to be patient in the healing process.  85% of people who have GBS do fully recover, however, it just takes a long time to fully build back the strength that they once had.  My mami is a doer, someone who moves and has a lot of energy.  All of these qualities are good - but she'll have to cultivate the virtue of patience these next few months.

On Thursday at the Catholic Center I went to daily mass so that I could pray for Mike's grandma Rosie, my family in Ohio, and my mami.  Fr. Ted preached on Thomas Aquinas' five proofs of the existence of God.  One of St. Thomas' proofs in the existence of God is called, "The Proof from Degrees of Perfection."  We, as humans, evaluate things and people in terms of their being more or less perfectly true, beautiful and good.  We have certain standards on how things and people should be.  The ultimate standard is God, who is perfect in every way - truth, beauty, and goodness.  Fr. Ted's stated that since God created everything, and we are a reflection of God, each of us have truth, beauty and goodness within us, in different degrees.  We are all called towards the perfection of these attributes of God, in theology this is termed virtue ethics.  During this Lenten season, as Catholics, the Church has dedicated this special time for us to remember that we are always called to grow closer to Him.  Today I will pray with my mami, asking God to show her the truth, beauty and goodness that lies within her.  Please continue to pray for my mami, papi, and me as we journey towards recovery and deepening our love for one another and God.