February 27th, 2013: Solo Dios Basta.

Nada te tubre,                                  Let nothing disturb you, Nada te espante,                              Let nothing frighten you, Todo se pasa,                                  All things are passing away, Dios no se muda.                             God never changes. La paciencia todo lo alcanza;          Patience obtains all things; Quien a Dios tiene nada le falta;     Whoever has God lacks nothing; Solo Dios basta.                              God alone suffices. - Santa Teresa de Jesus                   - St. Teresa of Avila As I drove to Oxnard today to visit my mami, I was listening to a lecture on CD given by the former head of the Dominican Order, Fr. Timothy Radcliffe, OP, at LA Congress, on Spirituality and the Universal Call to Holiness.  He quoted St. Teresa of Avila.  All throughout the day this prayer was ingrained in my mind, in Spanish.  All things are passing.  God never changes.  Patience obtains all things. The last time I saw my mami was a week ago today.  She has now been moved to a rehabilitation facility in Oxnard.  I cannot describe the improvement I have seen after not seeing her for a week, it is nothing short of a miracle.  All things are passing.  My mami has a stronger voice and is able to have longer and more in depth conversations.  She has more control of her body and is therefore able to move her body in a more natural way.  La paciencia todo lo alcanza.  Patience obtains all things. Today, Sofia saw my mami, her ita (abuelita), for the first time in six weeks.  Sofia was a tad shy because my mami still looks weak, but I could tell that both were happy to be reunited.  While I talked to my mami this evening Sofia would run in and out of the room and smile.  My mami told me that Sofia has been a big motivator for her to recover quickly.  It made me so joyful to see them interact, even though it was brief. On the left is a picture of Sofia eating ice cream in the cafeteria at the rehabilitation facility after she visited with ita. It was so wonderful to talk to my mami today.  Her and I laughed several times.  Hearing her laugh made me rejoice.  It felt like I had her back, fully.  As I drove back to Los Angeles tonight, for the first time since all of this started, four weeks ago, I finally felt at peace with my mami's recovery.  Even though I am aware that my mom still has a long way until she regains all of her strength back - for example she is still on a feeding tube because her throat muscles are not strong enough yet to eat through her mouth and she cannot stand for long periods of time - I know that through and with the strength of God she will recover.  Solo Dios basta.  God alone suffices.

February 25th, 2013: "That homey [God] always shows up."

Today I had a really great conversation with my papi.  I am truly looking forward to going to visit my mami and papi this Wednesday.  It's been too long since my last visit.  This whole situation has taught me a lot, although, most of it I cannot verbalize yet.  The one theme that continues to resonate in my prayer is love.  My parents love for one another and their love for both me and my sister is so evident and abundant.  God is present.  

Last week, since my husband and daughter were in Ohio I was able to spend a lot of time with my parents.  Every day I was not working I was in Oxnard, and on the days I did work, I commuted from Oxnard.

This weekend, instead of going to Oxnard, I re-charged my spiritual batteries by attending the LA Religious Education Congress with 10 amazing students from the USC Caruso Catholic Center, my husband, Mike, Sofia and 40,000 of my other closest Catholic friends.  It was a weekend of prayer and community.  Fr. James Martin, SJ, the man in the collar pictured above, stated that "LA Congress is a place to get a jolt of faith".  Although I feel as if I have been strong throughout my mami's syndrome I have had moments of weakness and emotional breakdowns.  This weekend lifted me up, deepened my vocation as wife, mother, and campus minister, and strengthened my relationship with God.  I am joyful that I gave myself the space to attend this conference, when I could have just as easily let it go and not allowed God to work in me the way God did this weekend.

In the next few days my mami will be moved out of the hospital and she will move into a 24 hour physical rehabilitation facility.  My mami, papi and I have selected a place where we think she'll thrive.  She is growing stronger by the day.  From reports I have heard from my papi, she's standing a little bit longer, is moving both arms a lot better, and her strength is improving.  Besides moving to the physical rehabilitation facility my mami's next big step will be getting off of the feeding tube and eating solids.  The stronger her throat muscles get, with the additional speech therapy she will get at the rehabilitation facility, the sooner the feeding tube will be removed.  The current hospital she is in has been great with her care, however, now, she's in need of services the hospital is ill-equipped to handle.

Driving home from work today, I was listening to Fr. Greg Boyle's talk from LA Congress.  I cried.  A young man, a homey, confessed to Fr. Greg, that he had been praying.  The homey said that when he prays, "that homey [God] always shows up."  The young man who was praying to God, perhaps, had issues of abandonment due to the life he had led.  For God to be so present to him, for me was not hard to understand.  God is present to all of us, all of the time, logically, I know.  But in that moment, what struck me is that God is present, even in my struggles.  I have known, in my head, logically, that God is ever-present in my mami's struggle.  However, tonight, after some reflection on those tears and those words, I felt God holding me even tighter.  God is so present, loving, and patient.  For all of this, I am truly blessed.

February 21st, 2013: Another Short Update

Today I was back in Los Angeles, working at USC.  However, even though I was working, I was in contact with my dad via text message most of the day.  My mom was moved out of ICU and now has her own room!  Small steps!

My mami also stood (not sure if it was with or without support) for 30 minutes and sat down without support for 32 minutes.  She started acupuncture on her ears so to subdue the pain she is feeling.  The more the pain is controlled the easier it is for her to focus on recovering.  

Also, today, she had voice therapy.  I can tell her voice is coming back stronger.  I was able to talk to her on the phone for a few minutes.  She is absolutely one of the strongest women I know.  I am so blessed to have her as an example of strength, perseverance, and love in my life.

I received an email today from GBS International and was given contact information of two people who live in Southern California who might be of support for my family through this, they are GBS survivors.  After talking to my mom about the information I received I decided to call the two people.  I called both of them tonight.  One answered.  The person I left a message on their machine.  It's amazing how total strangers, who have faced similar paths, can instantly feel like close friends.                                                                                                                 
Thank you for your continued prayers.                            

The picture above was taken July 2012. 

        

    

February 20th, 2013: Signs of Slow Recovery

I am sitting in my mami's room again as she sleeps.  She looks so peaceful.  Today, Wednesday, before I drove up from Los Angeles to visit my mami again, I did some more research on Guillain-Barre Syndrome.  I found, the Guillain-Barre Syndrome International Foundation (http://www.gbs-cidp.org/). Along with my dad,  we are in the process of attempting to find a good rehabilitation center for my mami.  On the GBS International Foundation website they have links for support groups and also facilities that are renowned in care for people with GBS.  In hope of seeking the best medical advice, I have already contacted UCLA's medical center and I am in the process of looking at USC's and Cedar Siani's programs.

Yesterday, Tuesday, when I was with my mami, before I left to Los Angeles so that I could work, my mami sat down in a chair for 15 minutes, all by herself!  It was tough for her because she told me that her lungs felt stiff, like maracas.  But my cousin said that it was good that she was sitting because it allows for her muscles to move in ways they had not moved in a few weeks.  The picture on the right is my cousin Carlos and Eva.     

One can definitely see, day by day, a slow recovery taking place.  For the first time, today, Wednesday, she sat down on her bed, with her back not supported by anything, without any help.  Her neck and back were perfectly vertical.  It made me very excited.  She also had speech therapy.  Listening to her one can tell that her voice is getting stronger each day.

Random fact:  did you know that Andy Griffith suffered from GBS?  

Things that I am grateful for today include, a quick 30 minute run on a treadmill at the gym, my mom's slow recovery, my dad's love, and picking up my daughter, Sofia, and my husband, Mike, at LAX after they went for a week long visit to Ohio.  

Thank you for your continued prayers!

February 18th, 2013: Short Update About My Mami

My mami is healing in baby steps.  Today she had more movement in her left arm.  My mami was also able to speak a little bit louder.

Imagine when your leg falls asleep.  What does it feel like when it starts to wake up?  It tingles and burns.  This is what my mami is feeling as her entire body "wakes up".  It was hard to see her in pain.  However, we know that it's good that her body is "waking up".  We are working on a plan for pain management.  It's all a part of the process.  

As I pray my examen (http://tinyurl.com/br5vu8e) tonight there are several places I have seen God's presence:

1)  Eva (pictured on the right), my cousin Carmen's baby.  She made me smile a lot.  She was a calming presence.
2)  The long conversation I had with my mami tonight about life and love.
3)  My cousin, Carlos, who came to visit from New Jersey.  It's been nice to have a family member here who is a doctor.  Not only has he provided us with good advice but also a lot of great laughs.  I love being around him!

Please continue praying for all of us.  I know this is exhausting for my mom - physically, mentally, and spiritually.  It is also difficult on our family.  This is going to be a long process of healing.  Prayers are really appreciated.  

February 16th, 2013: No More Breathing Tube!

This afternoon, I am sitting next to my mami as she sleeps.  Last night was a rough night for her.  It was the first full night that she did not have the respirator.  Naturally, she was nervous.  I promised her that if she slept, right now, I would sit next to her side and make sure she was still breathing.  So here I am...sitting next to my mom, the strongest woman I know, journey from place of pain towards physical recovery.

My mami is noticeably doing better than when I last saw her on Wednesday.  She does not have a breathing tube!  Praise the Lord!  Since she is having trouble swallowing she does have a new very small feeding tube in her nose - it is much smaller than before.  My mami did request some frozen yogurt from Yogurtland yesterday, so my papi just left a little while ago to pick up so froyo so that my mom can attempt to eat again soon.  Froyo is a great first food!  She also has more strength.  The nurses and physical therapists are helping her stand up every day so she can regain her muscles in her legs.  The range of motion in her right arm is wonderful.  Her left arm has strength but it is a bit weaker.  For me the biggest sign of improvement is that she can talk - full thoughts and sentences.   Alleluia!  Even though I should not be saying the A-word during Lent, I do feel the need to rejoice - her slow recovery is a pure gift from God.  Her spoken word is not loud, it has come back a little louder than a whisper.  As she gains strength in her neck her speech will become louder.

Naturally with her voice returning she is asking a lot of questions.  Some of the questions are basic, for example, what do I have?  My papi and I have told her several times about GBS.  The whole time she's been in the hospital we have been honest with her about her condition.  She has also been saying things like, "I am not a bad person.  I am not a bad mom."  I have been reassuring her that she is not a bad person and that she is not a bad mother.  If anything she is exactly the mother I want and love.  She's exactly what I need to be the person that I am.  God gave her to me as my mami.  I think, when the time is appropriate, her and I need to talk about God's goodness and the fact that God does not inflict pain upon us.  Rather, as I stated in an earlier blog, where there is sin, pain, and suffering, somewhere in all of that God is present.  I think one of the biggest challenges that my mom will face in her recovery is the fact that she will need to be patient in the healing process.  85% of people who have GBS do fully recover, however, it just takes a long time to fully build back the strength that they once had.  My mami is a doer, someone who moves and has a lot of energy.  All of these qualities are good - but she'll have to cultivate the virtue of patience these next few months.

On Thursday at the Catholic Center I went to daily mass so that I could pray for Mike's grandma Rosie, my family in Ohio, and my mami.  Fr. Ted preached on Thomas Aquinas' five proofs of the existence of God.  One of St. Thomas' proofs in the existence of God is called, "The Proof from Degrees of Perfection."  We, as humans, evaluate things and people in terms of their being more or less perfectly true, beautiful and good.  We have certain standards on how things and people should be.  The ultimate standard is God, who is perfect in every way - truth, beauty, and goodness.  Fr. Ted's stated that since God created everything, and we are a reflection of God, each of us have truth, beauty and goodness within us, in different degrees.  We are all called towards the perfection of these attributes of God, in theology this is termed virtue ethics.  During this Lenten season, as Catholics, the Church has dedicated this special time for us to remember that we are always called to grow closer to Him.  Today I will pray with my mami, asking God to show her the truth, beauty and goodness that lies within her.  Please continue to pray for my mami, papi, and me as we journey towards recovery and deepening our love for one another and God.            

February 16th, 2013: Things I Re-Learned From My Mami Today

My mami was filled with lots of insight today!  Things I have re-learned from my mami today:

1)  You must stay strong through challenging times.  If you don't feel strong, pray.  God will give you strength.

2)  Pray.  Pray all of the time.  Don't allow your favorite past time to be playing on your cell phone, watching TV, listening to music that does not build your relationship with God.  Pray unceasingly.

3)  Continue to build the relationships in your life.  Love the people that are in front of you.  Love the people who have hurt you.  Love the people who you have hurt.  Love people you do not know.  

4)  Don't hang onto issues of the past.  Let past mistakes change your future actions.

5)  Don't hold on to regret.  Don't allow it to weigh you down.  Regret won't change the past.  However, allow it to transform your future.  

6)  Forgive others.  Forgive yourself.  Move on.  Love.

Today I also learned that my mami has Miller Fisher Syndrome (http://tinyurl.com/ctuqm4x) which is a variation of GBS.  Most people who have MFS fully recover in 6 months.  Thank you for your continued prayers!

The picture on the lower right side of this blog is of me in my mami's hospital room.  My mami's nurses want us to wear all the garb so that we don't contaminate her with any outside germs.  My dad placed the stethoscope around my neck and started calling me, Dr. Chinea Shawver.  

February 14th, 2013: Update on My Mami

I have been getting many requests to write an update about my mami.  I visited my mami yesterday.    Sofia and I drove straight to the hospital.  When I saw my mami I could instantly see that she was doing a lot better.

Her face not only was back to its normal color, it also carried an expression of joy in seeing me.  She was communicating with me using her right arm and hand.  She was attempting to write in cursive in the air with her right hand.  She was trying to mouth words to me.  I failed miserably at guessing what she was trying to say, many times.  With her gestures she was asking me to give her massages and to pray with her.  Once I told her it was Ash Wednesday she motioned to me that she wanted to receive ashes on her forehead.  Her eyes are more open.  One can see her green eyes clearly and without redness.  She is also annoyed with the breathing tube still in her mouth and throat.  My papi told me that she has been breathing 3 hours without the ventilator (although, like I mentioned  she still has the breathing tube inserted).  To get the breathing tube fully removed she needs to grow stronger and build her neck muscles.  According to my papi all of these things are a natural and a good progression towards recovery.  My mami also told me, through gestures, that she was hungry!

After my first visit in the morning with my mami, my papi, Sofia and I went to my parents home.  I took Sofia to play at the park while my papi got lunch together for us.  We returned to the hospital around 2:30pm.  When I walked in for the last visit of the day I could tell instantly that my mom was really exhausted.  Due to her looking so sleepy I decided to keep my visit with my mami short.  I gave her another massage and kissed her forehead.  As I left the hospital and pulled out of the parking lot I got a text message from my papi...the reason she was so sleepy was because before I walked in she had been practicing standing, obviously with a lot of help.

Thank you for your continued prayers.  We know full recovery will take time, months perhaps years.  But we are hopeful for full recovery and grateful for love, family, and friendship.              

February 12th, 2013: Love

This blog post is theologically simplistic.  Love is something that is analyzed constantly in our "love hungry" society and has been philosophized about for thousands of years.  It's something that people crave because God created us to love.  Therefore, I don't blame people for seeking love.  However, where many of us miss the mark, is that ultimately the love that will fulfill us is the love of God.  Because of life circumstances, the past few days I have been reflecting a lot about love.  I am not referring to the romantic Hollywood, Bachelor type love that is fleeting.  I am referring to to the deep love God has for all of us.  How do we learn about and allow ourselves to feel that love - a love that is so intimate and everlasting?

The last three weeks have been a bit crazy.  On Jan. 29th, a good friend of Mike & I, Br. Tom Reis, passed away.  Br. Tom was a man of God.  When I was in his presence I knew that God was standing in front of me.  Br. Tom had a deep heart for the poor - he would redistribute food to those who were hungry, give away money to those who needed it, and would constantly stand up for people who were on the margins.  He was so humble and Christ-like.  His life was simple and joyous.  The love he showed the world was compassionate and relentless.     

Tonight, Feb. 11th, Mike's Grandma Rosie passed away.  Grandma Rosie was a woman of family and faith.  The moment I met her I felt comfortable.  She was non-judgmental and loved deeply.  While I don't remember the intricacies of her relationship with her husband, what I do remember is that the love that the two of them shared was "of God".  They were meant for one another.  They complimented each other in ways that a couple should.  They loved each other so deeply that even though I never met her husband, I felt their love.  Their love was infectious.         

The last two weeks I have been thinking a lot about the love my dad has for my mom.  Seeing my dad sit next to my mom, every day, as she slowly recovers from GBS, has re-opened my eyes to a love that is constant through good and hard times.  My mom is a woman of strength and persistence   My dad is a man of patience, dedication and fidelity.  The love that they share is one of choice and commitment.       

    

The love God has for us can be described in all of the lives written about above - but it's more.  God's love is indescribable by human vocabulary.  For me, fully understanding God's love, is conceivable yet inconceivable.  I am so grateful for the glimpses of God's love that I see so present in my life.  I am also learning - more and more - that life is short.  Love others like God is present in front of you, now...don't wait until tomorrow.  

February 11th, 2013: My Mami and GBS

 2 Corinthians 1:3-7  
The God of all consolation. Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and God of all encouragement, who encourages us in our every affliction, so that we may be able to encourage those who are in any affliction with the encouragement with which we ourselves are encouraged by God. For as Christ's sufferings overflow to us, so through Christ does our encouragement also overflow. If we are afflicted, it is for your encouragement and salvation; if we are encouraged, it is for your encouragement, which enables you to endure the same sufferings that we suffer. Our hope for you is firm, for we know that as you share in the sufferings, you also share in the encouragement.

On  Saturday while I was visiting my mami, with the assistance of the Catholic Book of Blessings, I blessed my mom, asking God to watch over her and give her the strength to fight through GBS.  

"For mami, your servant who is sick, we ask that your blessing will give her strength to overcome her weakness through the power of patience and the comfort of hope and that with your aid she will soon be restored to health."

I was leaving her room that evening, turned around and blew her a kiss.  She got her arm, put her hand towards her mouth and blew me a kiss.  I cried in joy.  She was intentionally moving her arm towards her mouth and blowing me a kiss.  Amazing.  

Yesterday while I was at mass I received a text message from my papi (yes, I had my cell phone at church - my mom is ill, I need to be next to my phone 24-7).  The message said that my mom had an infection in her lungs.  I prayed harder, fighting back tears.  The infection was causing a fever that ranged from 103-100.  Since my mom's fever came about she's been on antibiotics.  It seems like the medication is working because her fever has ceased for about 12 hours.    
Last night my papi told me that she was sleeping in a more natural position, moving her legs more freely and normally.  

Today, Mon. Feb. 11th, I received a text message from my papi.  He said that both of her eyes are now open, she has a normal temperature, and  the main neurologist came in and talked to my papi and the doctor said that my mami is doing much better.  

Please keep praying for my family!  I hope to see my mami on Ash Wednesday - perhaps bringing her ashes.  

In other news Sofia slept in her big girl bed last night for the first time!  The Pope resigned.  And we had two successful events yesterday at the USC Caruso Catholic Center - a 15 hour work day - the start of our Busy Trojan's Retreat, for 20 students, during the Lenten season and a, Spaghetti Dinner & Auction, for the alternative spring break projects, making $1,000!  

The picture is of Sofia this morning

after a good nights rest in her new bed!

February 9th, 2013: Update On My Mami

The picture on the left is of Sofia & my mom taken in December, 2012 at the Olive Garden in Oxnard, CA.  

What a difference two days make!  I can honestly say that my mami is the strongest women I know.

It was a real struggle for me to leave Oxnard on Wednesday night.  God was carrying me throughout my last 48 hours.  My husband, Mike, has been my bedrock.  Sofia my source of joy, smiles, and laughter.  My father, Rolando, has shown me the love, care, and dedication of God, as he stands by my mom.  My friends, Karen, Marie, Greg, Steve Herrera...the list goes on...have been tremendous in big and small ways.  My co-workers have been a God-sent.  The students at USC don't realize how much they are ministering to me, by just being themselves, while I minister to them.  If we are looking for God working in our lives, even in suffering, we don't have to look too hard to see and feel God's presence.  The challenge in seeing God in our lives, usually is ourselves.  God is so clearly present!  The struggle with suffering in our lives is and will always be counterbalanced by love, grace, and God.  Where there is sin [suffering], grace abounds (Romans 5:20).  

At the same time God was helping my mom recover. My mom was finally officially diagnosed with Guillian Barre Syndrome.  Today she moved her head back and forth, she kicked, she moved her arms, she opened her eyes a sliver, opened and closed her jaw, and with help she can sit up.  Wednesday before I left  I asked my mom to practice opening her eyes so that I could see her beautiful eyes on Friday when I came to visit.  As soon as I walked into the room she was thrilled, she started moving a lot, and she opened her eyes a tiny bit.  I cried with joy.  She had been practicing!  She still has a long way to go - her movements are not fluid and they are uncoordinated - but she is physically recovering.  Reading about the syndrome it seems as if she is recovering rather quickly.  My dad is convinced that my mom will be walking in less than 6 months.  Regardless of any time frame in my mami's road to recovery, it was so nice to see her personality shine through the syndrome.

Please continue to pray for my mami and family.  Your prayers, her inner strength, and God are amazing sources of life!

February 7th, 2013: My Mami

For those of you who do not know, my mami has been in the hospital since last Thursday (1/31/2013).  She is being treated for Guillain Barre Syndrome.  http://tinyurl.com/yqkjfe

While this blog won't be as elegant as previous blogs I have written or other peoples blogs I have read, I am going to write some updates as often as possible about my mami and her condition. This will help me process things and also will allow others to read about how my mami is improving.

Just to give you all a recap: I was in Oxnard/Ventura for several days and my mom was been doing about the same everyday. It's going to be a very slow healing process. Tuesday morning I started giving her three massages a day, reading her the daily readings, reflecting upon the readings for her, praying with her, and telling her that many people were praying for her.

My mom is on a breathing tube, her eyes are shut because she is too weak to open them, and she can only respond by kicking. It is really hard to see such a vivacious woman be so still. By reading several things online, the likelihood of her healing is very good. The downside is that it can take months to years for her to get her full strength back. She will need intense physical therapy once she leaves the ICU. 

Yesterday, Wednesday (2/6) my mom moved her arms for me! I started crying out in sheer joy. Then later she moved her head from right to left, one time. Small signs of my moms persistence and slow start towards recovery.

Unfortunately, I could not stay in Oxnard/Ventura due to other responsibilities so I am back in Los Angeles. I came back last night. Being away from my mami right now is one of the hardest things I have had to endure. I told her yesterday that I would be back on Friday and to try and practice opening her beautiful eyes for me. Please keep praying for us! Also, continue to look at this blog for updates on my mami.

This is a picture of my mom and some of my family members about 2 weeks ago celebrating my dad's birthday.