March 8th, 2013: Stations of the Cross

Since Mike, Sofia & I were not going up to Oxnard tonight to visit with my parents I decided that I would stay at work a little bit later so that I could participate in the Stations of the Cross with the students at the USC Caruso Catholic Center.  I was taken aback by how much I was moved by the Stations tonight.  Two Stations struck me hard.  I don't think the students noticed, but I was crying.  I think the Triduum at the Catholic Center is going to have a new level of depth for me this year for two reasons:  my mami and my daughter, Sofia.

Jesus meets his mother, station 4.  The Stations at the Catholic Center are painted by Peter Adams.  The art is stunning.  The way that Mr. Adams uses light and colors helps me pray and reflect in a new way.  As we reflected on the Fourth Station I could not help but think about how I have been comforting my own mother as she struggles with GBS and how grateful I am that she has comforted me in the past through heartbreaks, injuries, and illnesses.  I remember talking on the phone late at night to my mami after a breakup with a guy in Albuquerque.  She told me to leave NM and move back home.  She wanted to hold me, physically.  What she didn't realize was that even though she was not physically holding me, she was holding me with love and prayers.  My mami has always been someone I know I could count on to be my cheerleader and supporter.  I remember that after I got back from my year of volunteer work in El Paso, Texas, my mami told me that she really struggled with me being far away and in a city that could potentially be dangerous.  She felt like Mary.  I know that many times while I was there I felt her holding me, like Mary held Jesus before he was nailed to the cross.  I can only hope that I am doing the same for her now.  I prayed for her at that moment.

Then, naturally, I thought about my daughter.  As I indicated on the prior blog post, Sofia had to go to the emergency room the other day.  She's totally fine now.  But it spurred me to reflect upon how I know I will need to hold her and be strong for her in the future, holding her through heartbreaks, injuries and illnesses.  Can I be as strong as Mary when Sofia is being tested and ridiculed?  I prayed for Sofia.  I prayed for my own strength.  I prayed for compassion.             

Jesus is Nailed to the Cross, station 11.  I cannot help but compare what my mami is going through with GBS to the suffering that Jesus felt on the cross.  Day in and day out my mami is feeling pain throughout her body, emotionally and physically.  She is feeling what Jesus felt on the cross, physically and emotionally on some levels.  Jesus on the cross felt abandoned, the people he loved the most were driving the nails into his skin.  I don't think my mami feels abandoned.  But at times I do see her struggling with patience and pain, both of which are natural.  I know we have been taught that God will only give us what we can handle.  I believe this.  However, sometimes I ask myself, "God, why do you think me and my family can handle so much?  Why do you trust us so much?"  When we were at this Station I literally saw my mami nailed to the cross.  It was hard to bare.  The beauty in the cross, however, is that there is and will be a resurrection   I am blessed that at that moment in prayer my mind did start to move towards the resurrection.  I know my mami is going to heal, she has already started back on that slow journey.  Just yesterday I got a voicemail message from my mami telling me that she walked 12 steps with little assistance.

I am always astonished at how God uses the simple decisions in our lives, such as me staying for the Stations of the Cross, to move us deeper into prayer.  Please continue to pray for my family as we help my mami bare the cross of GBS.