March 14th, 2013: Habemus Papam

This week for me has been full of ups and downs.  After prayer, and going to the Sacrament of Reconciliation at the Catholic Center, I have come to the conclusion, one again, that I am too hard on myself.  I cannot be everything to everyone, including my mami, papi, husband and daughter.  I can only be who I am and try my best to be as present as possible to them in the moment.  This is hard to grapple with because I want to be exactly what they need, right when they need it.  Again, all I can do is be me and allow God to do the rest.  The priest I went to confession told me that sometimes "to do" something isn't necessarily what is needed, sometimes what you must do is "let it go" and allow it to be.  Funny how "letting go" is a reoccurring theme in my life.  This week has also taught me that I am in serious need of finding a spiritual director.  I have asked a Sister if she can walk with me on my journey towards holiness.  I am awaiting her answer.          

I have been glued to twitter and facebook for weeks now, attempting to learn as much as I can about papal conclaves, the process, and the major players.  As I was driving to Oxnard yesterday to visit my mami, I tried every radio news station I could find to give me updates on the color smoke that was coming out of the Sistine Chapel.  Nothing.  I got to Oxnard about 11:10am...I was going through twitter and facebook....nothing.  Then I got the text message from a alert system I had signed up for on my phone!  Habemus Papam!  We have a Pope!  I was thrilled, and a bit shocked (I thought the process was going to take a lot longer).  I started texting, Mike, friends and students in excitement.  Who was going to be our new pope?  With Sofia, we ran to my mami's room.  I knew she'd be glued to the TV.  As soon as I came in she was thrilled to see me and was practically jumping out of her bed in excitement for the new Pope.  We waited for what seemed like forever, an hour and twenty minutes to be exact, who was going to come out?  Why was it taking so long?  Sofia, to my surprise, was good, just sitting in her stroller!

Then Pope Francis came out.  Habemus Papam!  I quickly found out that he is a Jesuit (yay!) and he is from Argentina.  A Latin American Jesuit Pope!  It sounds too good to be true!  Now here is my overly optimistic side coming out...and I honestly don't have concrete facts to base this next statement, but, I truly believe that we are the brink of major change in the Church, perhaps a Vatican III.  Now, today, a friend did point out to me that we cannot over or under estimate what the Pope can or cannot do.  We must remain realistic   However, I do know that several concrete things have happened that are already out of the ordinary, 1) The resignation of Pope Emeritus Benedict.  A resignation of a Pope has not happened in over 500 years.  After listening and readings many of John Allen's (National Catholic Reporter & CNN's Corespondent to the Vatican) commentary on the situation, I do believe that Pope Emeritus Benedict set up the stage for something unheard of to occur.  2)  The selection of someone from Latin America.  This is the first time that someone from the Americas is selected as Pope.  The Church is making the statement that it's population is growing and is the largest in Latin America for me indicates that poverty will be a major focus of this papacy.  3)  The selection of a Jesuit.  Again, this is a first.  Pope Francis, I believe, rides the line that brings both conservatives and liberals together.  This is what the Church needs.  We are not a Church of either/or rather we are a Church of both/and.  4)  Lastly, choosing a new name, Pope Francis.  He wants to start something new.  Begin a new legacy.      

This is the first time in my life that I have felt a real strong connection and love for a Pope.  I have admired other Popes in my lifetime but for some reason I have a stronger connection with Pope Francis.  Here are some of the reasons that attract me to Pope Francis:  1) His humility speaks volumes.  His clothing was simple.  The cross he wore was a wooden one that he wore as a bishop.  He seems to have the "I am not worthy" attitude.  I feel like I am going to learn a lot about humility from this man of God.  2) He is a man of deep prayer.  His first few words to us were to pray for him.  Then he prayed for us.  Then we prayed together.  This is what I want a follower of Christ to do, religious, ordained, or lay.  Prayer is absolutely essential to making life decisions big and small.  Ministry and love flow from God.  Prayer will help us get closer to God which essentially will make us more Christ-like.  He is merely leading by example.  This is a powerful statement.  3)  His simplicity.  While bishop in Argentina he used public transit.  He lived in a small apartment, not a huge palace.  Simplicity is something I struggle with.  I know that he'll push me to grow in this area.   4) He fights for the poor.  When he was being appointed as Cardinal and now when he gets installed as Pope he has told people to give the money to the poor instead of coming to see him get appointed or installed.  He has cleaned the feet of people suffering from AIDS.  He walks with those on the margins.  He's in kinship with them and feels impelled to make changes so that those who are in poverty can live a life of greater dignity.  5)  I saw a facebook message that said something like, "I feel like my football team just won the Superbowl."  I am Jesuit trained.  Ignatian spirituality is my spirituality.  He is Jesuit trained...and I feel a sense of pride and excitement in that.    6)  Lastly he is from Latin America.  He is representing my people.  He is representing where my heart lies.  He gets my culture.  Overall, I am overjoyed.  I have printed out several articles about Pope Francis to read when I go to Appalachia with a group of college students over spring break.  I am interested in getting to know who this man is better.    

Finally I will give an update on my mami.  I am amazed at how much she's improved over the last week.  She is able to sit up on her own; I brushed her hair.  She can walk with a walker now, albeit slowly.  She is no longer on any tubes, not even the pic line that gave her extra medications, if needed.  Her voice is stronger.  She laughs and tells jokes a lot more.  Again, I know that she still has a long way to full recovery, but the rehabilitation facility is actually telling her that she might be able to come home by the end of the month!

My Titi Jane (aunt) and Uncle Bobby came in today from Puerto Rico to spend some time with her.  I am grateful that they will be here to support my mami & papi.  It has been really hard for me to be in Los Angeles, so close, and not be able to be even more supportive, physically, to my parents.      

I will see my my family after I get back from Appalachia.  My next visit with them will probably be Wed. March 27th.

Tonight, I went with some students to see G-Dog, a movie about Homeboy Industries and Fr. Greg Boyle, SJ.  Fr. Greg is a modern day saint.  I hope to bring him to speak at USC so that the students can be moved to live like Christ and live their lives for others.  Fr. Greg's words, honestly, can resonate in me for long periods of time, filling me with myriads of insights.  Tonight he spoke a lot about kinship.  In his book, "Tattoos on the Heart" he states:

"Mother Teresa diagnosed the world's ills in this way:  we've just 'forgotten that we belong to each other.'  Kinship is what happens to us when we refuse to let that happen.  With kinship as the goal, other essential things fall into place; without it, no justice, no peace.  I suspect that were kinship our goal, we would no longer be promoting justice - we would be celebrating it."

Fr. Greg is inspirational.  How am I promoting kinship?  How am I living it?  What does this all mean for me?  Perhaps, Mike and I are called to one day embark on missionary work to third world countries.  I have always said that missionary work helps me to become my more authentic self.  Perhaps it means that I am called to walk on the margins with those in Los Angeles, which is something I am craving to do.  I miss my work with immigrants, my people.  What I do know is that right now I do need to remain present to the kinship around me, my friends, family, students, and co-workers.  Kinship is something Pope Francis is also preaching about.  Embracing kinship, self sacrifice, and personal care are all things I want to reflect more deeply upon so that one day I can have a greater balance in those three areas.

Please pray for the 12 students going to New Orleans and 7 students going to the Appalachian Mountains this Spring Break with the USC Caruso Catholic Center!