March 31st, 2013: Easter

Alleluia, He is Risen!  How often in our lives do we recognize the risen Lord?  For most of us, when we are in the midst of struggle, we don't know when the resurrection is going to occur.  Imagine what the disciples of Jesus felt when they saw that Jesus was laid in the tomb.  Even though Jesus had told them several times that he was going to rise in three days, they did not fully comprehend what that meant.  They didn't know that Jesus was going to conquer death and sin.  They didn't know that the resurrection was going to occur in three days.  Only after the fact did the disciples begin to understand the notion of Jesus' resurrection.  But even then, some disciples, doubting Thomas, didn't fully grasp what the resurrection meant.  What our faith calls us to do is to trust that God will help the resurrections in our lives come to fruition - no matter how long it takes.  

How do you rejoice that Jesus has risen?  What does it mean that Jesus has risen?  How have you seen the risen Christ in your life?  This Easter season these are questions that are good to ponder.

I know that in my life right now I am living the resurrection.  I am married to a man I deeply love, have an amazing daughter - one that I always dreamed of, I love my job - every bit of it, have a community at USC that is challenging me to grow closer to Christ, have friends that are supportive yet know how to nudge me to grow, and have a family that always exceed my expectations of love for me.  What's ironic is that I know that none of the things that I mention above are perfect.  There is a difference between perfection and living and rejoicing in the resurrection.  And, naturally, there are other dreams I have in my life such as traveling the world, doing missionary work, participating in a sprint triathlon  and perhaps getting a PhD.  But, while I don't know what will happen in my future, I don't wait in angst, like I have in my past - especially in my dating life.  I am rejoicing in the resurrection in my life, right now, by sharing the love of Christ, primarily through presence with others, so that hopefully they feel the love of God in their own lives and realize that God's love is enough.        

If I look at my mami's journey with GBS I see glimpses of the resurrection.  I think she is still in "holy waiting", sitting in her Holy Saturday.  She has greatly improved.  She now has graduated from home health care and has now been assigned to outpatient physical and occupational therapy.  She is both moving and talking better.  She still gets sleepy very easily, does not have her full strength back, her voice is not fully back to normal, and she is still in a lot of pain as her nerves wake up.  My mami is still waiting for Easter day.  The grace that I see in my mami is the patience and love that she has shown me as she waits for the full health of her body.  She is patiently waiting the resurrection.  She is full of faith and love.  These are things I hope I can do when I face future tribulation.  My mami has taught me glimpses of how to bare tough crosses through long periods of time, awaiting the resurrection.

A.M.D.G.         

March 27th, 2013: Joy

Today's visit with my mami was the best visit I have had with her since the onset of her GBS.  I did not leave her side all day, except for about 2 hours while she slept and I played cards with the rest of my family.

As I reflect upon my day with her I cannot pinpoint exactly why I am so joyful.  Perhaps its because being home has a better feeling than going into a hospital?  Or maybe its the comfort of not having to follow any hospital rules?  And Sofia being able to run around my mami like everything is back to normal?  Perhaps its the fact that I saw my mom get in and out of bed easier without much help?  Or maybe its just because this is the first day off of work that I have had in 10 days and I was able to be fully present to her without distractions?    

The source of joy I know is God.  I know that God has given my mami the strength to recover rather quickly.  Today I walked with my mami, she was assisted by a walker, for about 10 minutes in front of her house.  She got up and down stairs.  She ate normal food.  She went to the restroom alone.  We even opened a twitter account for her!  Two weeks truly has made a difference in her recovery.  

Today was a great day spent with family.  Sofia fell asleep in my arms.  These moments I treasure.  She is growing up so quickly and I want to cherish them as long as I can.  My mami wanted me to lay next to her while she attempted to sleep.  I did.  It was nice to just hug her.  I talked to my mami a lot!  We talked about Appalachia, students at USC, Sofia's second birthday, family, Pope Francis and much more.  I played cards with Mike, his dad, my papi, mami, aunt and uncle.  We laughed and we were competitive   It was so much fun.  All of us shared two great meals together.  I am just so blessed to have a family that is so loving, faithful, and caring.  As I type this, tears are forming in my eyes.  These tears are of joy and gratitude.  Tears of thankfulness to God.

Thank you for your continued prayers.  

A.M.D.G.          

March 24th, 2013: God's Time

This entry is going to be disjointed.  My thoughts and prayers have yet to coalesce into something deeply insightful.  Luckily, "God writes straight with crooked lines".  

Yesterday at about 6:30pm I got back from a Spring Break trip with 6 students from the USC Caruso Catholic Center to Appalachia; specifically we went to Vanceburg, Kentucky and volunteered with Glenmary Farms (http://www.glenmary.org/farm/).  The trip was very prayer-filled.  I learned a lot about the area, culture, and people.  For example, in Lewis County, less than 1% of all people are Catholic.  When we went to Sunday mass, last week, there were probably about 20 people present, including us.  35% of people in Lewis County are unemployed.  The national average for unemployment is about 15%.  Since there is no work, the community is an aging community.  Music, specifically country music, and family, tend to be the heart and soul of the people in Vanceburg.  I'll reflect more on this experience in a later post.

I personally re-learned that I can live in radical simplicity in the United States.  It felt natural, comfortable and authentically me, living simply, doing acts of service, praying constantly, being present to people, and living in community.  I think the three things I missed most were:  my family, eating healthy, and running - the last two are luxuries that people in poverty generally cannot choose.      

Today, back in Los Angeles, reality hit.  I went back to the office and things were moving a lot faster than the pace I was getting used to in Kentucky.  Everything in Kentucky was in "God's Time".  Our cell phones did not work, we did not have internet, and I don't wear a watch.  I rarely knew what time it was.  If we were not working, ministering, being present to one another, or eating, I was praying, journaling, or reading, "My Life with the Saints" by Fr. James Martin, SJ.   

Today, shortly before mass at 7pm I received a text message from my mami, "I am back in the hospital.  Pray."  On Saturday, my mami had been released from the rehabilitation facility/hospital and within 24 hours she was back in the hospital.  I could not call her in the moment.  I had to wait until 10pm to call her.  All throughout mass I kept starting at the crucifix, asking God to watch over my mami.  The crucifix in our church is depicted on the left.  No matter where you are in the church, if you look into Jesus' eyes, it seems as if he's looking right at you, with compassion, saying "I am with you always".  If God could bare the pain of the world on the cross, I know that my mami can fight GBS and her family and friends can support her.  If I was not lectoring I would have cried.           

As soon as left the Catholic Center I called my dad.  He told me that early this morning she could not hold down food.  A nurse came to the house, checked her vitals, called the doctor, and together they made the decision to take her back to the hospital.  Now my mami feels a little better.  She is holding down food and she's in good spirits.  Please continue to pray for my mami's recovery.  Sofia, Mike, Mike's parents and I are headed to Oxnard this Wednesday.  I am so excited to see my mami after two weeks of not seeing her!  Thank you in advance for your prayers.

A.M.D.G.

    

March 14th, 2013: Habemus Papam

This week for me has been full of ups and downs.  After prayer, and going to the Sacrament of Reconciliation at the Catholic Center, I have come to the conclusion, one again, that I am too hard on myself.  I cannot be everything to everyone, including my mami, papi, husband and daughter.  I can only be who I am and try my best to be as present as possible to them in the moment.  This is hard to grapple with because I want to be exactly what they need, right when they need it.  Again, all I can do is be me and allow God to do the rest.  The priest I went to confession told me that sometimes "to do" something isn't necessarily what is needed, sometimes what you must do is "let it go" and allow it to be.  Funny how "letting go" is a reoccurring theme in my life.  This week has also taught me that I am in serious need of finding a spiritual director.  I have asked a Sister if she can walk with me on my journey towards holiness.  I am awaiting her answer.          

I have been glued to twitter and facebook for weeks now, attempting to learn as much as I can about papal conclaves, the process, and the major players.  As I was driving to Oxnard yesterday to visit my mami, I tried every radio news station I could find to give me updates on the color smoke that was coming out of the Sistine Chapel.  Nothing.  I got to Oxnard about 11:10am...I was going through twitter and facebook....nothing.  Then I got the text message from a alert system I had signed up for on my phone!  Habemus Papam!  We have a Pope!  I was thrilled, and a bit shocked (I thought the process was going to take a lot longer).  I started texting, Mike, friends and students in excitement.  Who was going to be our new pope?  With Sofia, we ran to my mami's room.  I knew she'd be glued to the TV.  As soon as I came in she was thrilled to see me and was practically jumping out of her bed in excitement for the new Pope.  We waited for what seemed like forever, an hour and twenty minutes to be exact, who was going to come out?  Why was it taking so long?  Sofia, to my surprise, was good, just sitting in her stroller!

Then Pope Francis came out.  Habemus Papam!  I quickly found out that he is a Jesuit (yay!) and he is from Argentina.  A Latin American Jesuit Pope!  It sounds too good to be true!  Now here is my overly optimistic side coming out...and I honestly don't have concrete facts to base this next statement, but, I truly believe that we are the brink of major change in the Church, perhaps a Vatican III.  Now, today, a friend did point out to me that we cannot over or under estimate what the Pope can or cannot do.  We must remain realistic   However, I do know that several concrete things have happened that are already out of the ordinary, 1) The resignation of Pope Emeritus Benedict.  A resignation of a Pope has not happened in over 500 years.  After listening and readings many of John Allen's (National Catholic Reporter & CNN's Corespondent to the Vatican) commentary on the situation, I do believe that Pope Emeritus Benedict set up the stage for something unheard of to occur.  2)  The selection of someone from Latin America.  This is the first time that someone from the Americas is selected as Pope.  The Church is making the statement that it's population is growing and is the largest in Latin America for me indicates that poverty will be a major focus of this papacy.  3)  The selection of a Jesuit.  Again, this is a first.  Pope Francis, I believe, rides the line that brings both conservatives and liberals together.  This is what the Church needs.  We are not a Church of either/or rather we are a Church of both/and.  4)  Lastly, choosing a new name, Pope Francis.  He wants to start something new.  Begin a new legacy.      

This is the first time in my life that I have felt a real strong connection and love for a Pope.  I have admired other Popes in my lifetime but for some reason I have a stronger connection with Pope Francis.  Here are some of the reasons that attract me to Pope Francis:  1) His humility speaks volumes.  His clothing was simple.  The cross he wore was a wooden one that he wore as a bishop.  He seems to have the "I am not worthy" attitude.  I feel like I am going to learn a lot about humility from this man of God.  2) He is a man of deep prayer.  His first few words to us were to pray for him.  Then he prayed for us.  Then we prayed together.  This is what I want a follower of Christ to do, religious, ordained, or lay.  Prayer is absolutely essential to making life decisions big and small.  Ministry and love flow from God.  Prayer will help us get closer to God which essentially will make us more Christ-like.  He is merely leading by example.  This is a powerful statement.  3)  His simplicity.  While bishop in Argentina he used public transit.  He lived in a small apartment, not a huge palace.  Simplicity is something I struggle with.  I know that he'll push me to grow in this area.   4) He fights for the poor.  When he was being appointed as Cardinal and now when he gets installed as Pope he has told people to give the money to the poor instead of coming to see him get appointed or installed.  He has cleaned the feet of people suffering from AIDS.  He walks with those on the margins.  He's in kinship with them and feels impelled to make changes so that those who are in poverty can live a life of greater dignity.  5)  I saw a facebook message that said something like, "I feel like my football team just won the Superbowl."  I am Jesuit trained.  Ignatian spirituality is my spirituality.  He is Jesuit trained...and I feel a sense of pride and excitement in that.    6)  Lastly he is from Latin America.  He is representing my people.  He is representing where my heart lies.  He gets my culture.  Overall, I am overjoyed.  I have printed out several articles about Pope Francis to read when I go to Appalachia with a group of college students over spring break.  I am interested in getting to know who this man is better.    

Finally I will give an update on my mami.  I am amazed at how much she's improved over the last week.  She is able to sit up on her own; I brushed her hair.  She can walk with a walker now, albeit slowly.  She is no longer on any tubes, not even the pic line that gave her extra medications, if needed.  Her voice is stronger.  She laughs and tells jokes a lot more.  Again, I know that she still has a long way to full recovery, but the rehabilitation facility is actually telling her that she might be able to come home by the end of the month!

My Titi Jane (aunt) and Uncle Bobby came in today from Puerto Rico to spend some time with her.  I am grateful that they will be here to support my mami & papi.  It has been really hard for me to be in Los Angeles, so close, and not be able to be even more supportive, physically, to my parents.      

I will see my my family after I get back from Appalachia.  My next visit with them will probably be Wed. March 27th.

Tonight, I went with some students to see G-Dog, a movie about Homeboy Industries and Fr. Greg Boyle, SJ.  Fr. Greg is a modern day saint.  I hope to bring him to speak at USC so that the students can be moved to live like Christ and live their lives for others.  Fr. Greg's words, honestly, can resonate in me for long periods of time, filling me with myriads of insights.  Tonight he spoke a lot about kinship.  In his book, "Tattoos on the Heart" he states:

"Mother Teresa diagnosed the world's ills in this way:  we've just 'forgotten that we belong to each other.'  Kinship is what happens to us when we refuse to let that happen.  With kinship as the goal, other essential things fall into place; without it, no justice, no peace.  I suspect that were kinship our goal, we would no longer be promoting justice - we would be celebrating it."

Fr. Greg is inspirational.  How am I promoting kinship?  How am I living it?  What does this all mean for me?  Perhaps, Mike and I are called to one day embark on missionary work to third world countries.  I have always said that missionary work helps me to become my more authentic self.  Perhaps it means that I am called to walk on the margins with those in Los Angeles, which is something I am craving to do.  I miss my work with immigrants, my people.  What I do know is that right now I do need to remain present to the kinship around me, my friends, family, students, and co-workers.  Kinship is something Pope Francis is also preaching about.  Embracing kinship, self sacrifice, and personal care are all things I want to reflect more deeply upon so that one day I can have a greater balance in those three areas.

Please pray for the 12 students going to New Orleans and 7 students going to the Appalachian Mountains this Spring Break with the USC Caruso Catholic Center!          

March 8th, 2013: Stations of the Cross

Since Mike, Sofia & I were not going up to Oxnard tonight to visit with my parents I decided that I would stay at work a little bit later so that I could participate in the Stations of the Cross with the students at the USC Caruso Catholic Center.  I was taken aback by how much I was moved by the Stations tonight.  Two Stations struck me hard.  I don't think the students noticed, but I was crying.  I think the Triduum at the Catholic Center is going to have a new level of depth for me this year for two reasons:  my mami and my daughter, Sofia.

Jesus meets his mother, station 4.  The Stations at the Catholic Center are painted by Peter Adams.  The art is stunning.  The way that Mr. Adams uses light and colors helps me pray and reflect in a new way.  As we reflected on the Fourth Station I could not help but think about how I have been comforting my own mother as she struggles with GBS and how grateful I am that she has comforted me in the past through heartbreaks, injuries, and illnesses.  I remember talking on the phone late at night to my mami after a breakup with a guy in Albuquerque.  She told me to leave NM and move back home.  She wanted to hold me, physically.  What she didn't realize was that even though she was not physically holding me, she was holding me with love and prayers.  My mami has always been someone I know I could count on to be my cheerleader and supporter.  I remember that after I got back from my year of volunteer work in El Paso, Texas, my mami told me that she really struggled with me being far away and in a city that could potentially be dangerous.  She felt like Mary.  I know that many times while I was there I felt her holding me, like Mary held Jesus before he was nailed to the cross.  I can only hope that I am doing the same for her now.  I prayed for her at that moment.

Then, naturally, I thought about my daughter.  As I indicated on the prior blog post, Sofia had to go to the emergency room the other day.  She's totally fine now.  But it spurred me to reflect upon how I know I will need to hold her and be strong for her in the future, holding her through heartbreaks, injuries and illnesses.  Can I be as strong as Mary when Sofia is being tested and ridiculed?  I prayed for Sofia.  I prayed for my own strength.  I prayed for compassion.             

Jesus is Nailed to the Cross, station 11.  I cannot help but compare what my mami is going through with GBS to the suffering that Jesus felt on the cross.  Day in and day out my mami is feeling pain throughout her body, emotionally and physically.  She is feeling what Jesus felt on the cross, physically and emotionally on some levels.  Jesus on the cross felt abandoned, the people he loved the most were driving the nails into his skin.  I don't think my mami feels abandoned.  But at times I do see her struggling with patience and pain, both of which are natural.  I know we have been taught that God will only give us what we can handle.  I believe this.  However, sometimes I ask myself, "God, why do you think me and my family can handle so much?  Why do you trust us so much?"  When we were at this Station I literally saw my mami nailed to the cross.  It was hard to bare.  The beauty in the cross, however, is that there is and will be a resurrection   I am blessed that at that moment in prayer my mind did start to move towards the resurrection.  I know my mami is going to heal, she has already started back on that slow journey.  Just yesterday I got a voicemail message from my mami telling me that she walked 12 steps with little assistance.

I am always astonished at how God uses the simple decisions in our lives, such as me staying for the Stations of the Cross, to move us deeper into prayer.  Please continue to pray for my family as we help my mami bare the cross of GBS.                  

March 6th, 2013: Exhausted But Grateful

The last 48 hours for me have been exhausting.  Although I am tired I am also grateful.  Ministry has been super busy.  Tomorrow night we elect and appoint the new leaders for the 2013-2014 academic year.  For these elections and appointments to take place tomorrow, Anthony, the other campus minister, and myself, need to meet with each applicant individually.  There are about 40 student leadership positions at the USC Caruso Catholic Center.  Beyond the scheduled meetings there are also students in the midst of discernment for leadership who have not 'officially' applied and are in need of an meeting.  Then there are the regular, normal activities, such as RCIA, planning for two spring break projects (one to New Orleans the other to the Appalachian Mountains), a silent retreat that's coming up in April, the bulletin, the weekly email...and on and on.  I am not complaining.  I love every aspect of this ministry, especially meeting with students one on one, listening to their lives, hearing where God is present, and helping them recognize their gifts.  I am grateful that students trust me with their lives and their relationship with God.  It's just busy.

Then last night, right after I left daily mass, as I was headed into an interview, I looked at my phone, and with a student in my office, I read a text message out loud ..."I am taking Sofia to the ER.  Call me."  Naturally, I freaked out.  My baby had never been to the ER.  Talking to Mike on the phone I just cried.  Really, it was not that big a deal.  In the moment, when I told my pastor that I had to leave to be with my daughter, I even remember telling him, "I have a feeling I am blowing this out of proportion", but my mind instantly was on her and I knew I had to leave.  What had happened was that she was playing in the playground at school, with Mike present, and she tripped over her own feet.  She fell on her face and her tooth went through her bottom lip.  She was bleeding everywhere.  Mike took her to the ER.  After I got home I found out that the ER doctor said that it was not as bad as it looked, and put some sort of medical glue on it, instead of a stitch.  When I first saw her she was attached to Mike.  She was not crying or overly shaken up.  I was just glad to be home.  I am grateful it was not worse.  I was happy to have her in my arms.    

After Sofia and I had our moment I looked at my mail that had arrived.  The staff at Catholic Charities in Albuquerque, my last place of employment, had sent my mami and I a get well soon card!  The thought that arose in my mind at that moment was, how did I get so lucky to be so blessed with love?      

Needless to say, after a night of excitement with Sofia and ministry, I did not fall asleep until 2am.  And Sofia woke me up at 5:30am.  Very little sleep.  But one positive that came out of waking up so early is that I was able to facebook chat with a good friend of mine that lives in Peru.  Catching up with him was so nice!  We are struggling with similar issues of a parent that is ill.  It was also nice for me to hear that he is doing well in all other aspects of his life.  And he also sees the hand of God in having him move back to Peru to be closer to his father in a time of need.      

At about 9:30am Sofia and I left to Oxnard.  We drove straight to the hospital.  Unfortunately, my mami also got very little sleep last night due to the fact that they were running tests on her late into the evening.  Sofia was also very clingy to me.  I only visited with my mami for about 20 minutes in the morning.  However this evening I spent about an hour and a half with my mami, alone.  I am so grateful to just talk to her.  I truly enjoy every conversation I have with her and my papi.  I am relishing every word as they speak to me.

Physically, my mami seems even a little bit stronger than when I saw her last.  The big difference is that she no longer has her feeding tube and is eating normal food.  There are no real restrictions to her diet at this point, other than the fact that doctors don't want her to eat empty calories.  On that note, I did buy her froyo from Yogurtland, chocolate and cookies & cream flavored with oreos and peanut butter cups.  She loved it.        

One exciting thing is that my Titi Jane from Puerto Rico might be coming soon!  Titi Jane is the oldest of my mami's sisters.

Due to the fact that my husband, Sofia and I have not had a family day in over six weeks, this Saturday we will not be going up to Oxnard to visit my parents.  Instead we are probably going to the zoo.  The next visit I'll have with my parents will probably be next Wednesday.  If I get any more big news from my papi I will inform everyone with a new blog.

A.M.D.G.      

March 4th, 2013: Short Update

Today was a big day for my mami!  At 12:30pm my papi arranged for my mami to see her dog, Paco!  It's sort of nuts to think about Paco, this huge, horse like, Bearnaise Mountain Dog, that weights as much as me, going to a rehabilitation facility.  But Paco made it.  He visted my mami in the healing garden on the ground level of the facility.  While I was not present at this reunion, I know that they both rejoiced in one another's presence.

Later today my mami passed her swallowing test!  This means that she no longer has her feeding tube!  My mami's first meal was mashed potatoes, gravy, chicken, spinach, dessert, juice and water.  I hope she got her froyo!  Whether she did or not, I am going to bring her froyo on Wednesday.  Conveniently, Yogurtland is right next to the rehabilitation facility!  I am looking forward to seeing my mami without any tubes stuck to her face. 

I am re-listening to Fr. Greg Boyle's CD from LA Congress.  The layers of wisdom during his talk are hard to grasp if you only listen to it one time.  On the CD it states that once when Fr. Greg was being interviewed the interviewer asked him, how does it feel to have saved so many lives of individuals affected by gangs?  Fr. Greg responded with something like, "I don't mean to be rude, but, every time I interact with homies I am the one that's being saved.  They teach me humility.  They teach me patience.  They teach me love.  I don't save them, they save me."    

As we pray for local elections tomorrow here in Los Angeles, the prayerful selection of our new Pope in Rome in the coming weeks, and the continuation of our conversion towards Christ this Lenten season let's reflect upon Fr. Greg's words of wisdom, allowing those who we minister to, work and interact with to change our lives towards Godliness. 

March 3rd, 2013: Grateful

I am sitting at my computer at home, after a good long day of ministry, drinking a glass of moscato white wine.  In a good way, exhaustion overtakes my body.  It's amazing how much I love my job.  When I was interviewing for this position last year I remember telling Fr. Lawrence and Anthony, that I am my most authentic self when I am ministering to college students.  I knew that statement was true -  but I am amazed at how much God is challenging me to grow to become an even better version of myself through my interactions with all of these students.  My level of prayer and reflection is deeper and my daily mass attendance has even increased.  The sense of community that exists at the Catholic Center is so very reminiscent of the Catholic Community at UCSD, even though the communities are very different.  I cannot describe the gratitude I feel that God has given me this opportunity to minister at the USC Caruso Catholic Center.  I can only hope that God is using me to the best of God's ability to minister to the students in the way that they need it.        

Now to an update about my mami.  First a caveat, my mami asked that I read her all of the blog posts I have written since the start of her experience with GBS.  After I finished reading the posts she asked me to take notes on what she wanted me to write about.  Most of the thoughts below were directly given to me from my mami.  However, since its written by me it will be in first-person.       

Yesterday, Mike, Sofia and I visited with my parents again.  My mami was noticeably better.  Since she arrived to the physical rehabilitation facility on Wednesday, she has been on a 4 hour daily regimen of healing - rotating between occupational, physical and speech therapies.  

The night before last, due to pain, my mami only slept 4 hours.  She actually missed her first speech therapy appointment yesterday because she was sleeping.  The therapist tried waking her up but my mami was in very deep sleep.  However, with persistence and by the grace of God, the therapist got permission to work overtime, with my mami, in the later afternoon.  

While my mami napped in the afternoon I went to the Oxnard Public Library and checked out some books on CD for her.  Some of the subject matters included, Mother Theresa, Greg Boyle SJ's Tattoos on the Heart, and a book on Pope John Paul II.  When I brought her the books later that afternoon she was thrilled.  Immediately, she wanted to hear Fr. Greg Boyle's book!  She was excited to find out that in less than two weeks I am going to go with a group of students to see Fr. Greg feature a new film about Homeboy Industries.    

My mami told me that a deacon came to visit her and gave her spiritual communion (since she cannot consume anything through her mouth yet) and my dad received communion.  She told me that her and the deacon spoke at length about humility.  As most of you know, Pope Benedict resigned.  My mami feels a connection to Pope Benedict...she feels like she needs to be humble like him.  She needs to allow God to use this time to work on her relationship with God.  She also said she needs this time to work on herself rather than on other worldly things.  She will never take what she has for granted.      
Lastly my mami wants to thank everyone for all the cards and flowers that you have sent her.  She describes her room like a garden.

I am going to visit my mami and papi again this Wednesday.  I am looking forward to spending more time with them.  Ever since we moved to California in September I have tried very hard to spend time with my family as often as I can.  I even remember telling my mami before she got ill that we never know how long we have with each other on this earth and therefore we must cherish the time we have with one another.  I am so grateful that I have a job I love that is near where my parents live.  I am also so blessed to have a husband and daughter, Sofia, that give me the energy and support I need to be the person God created me to be.