Feb. 1st, 2011: A Mother's Sacrifice

I had a tad of an idea, before I got pregnant, about the sacrifices that mothers take the moment they find out they are with child. As many people know mothers give up things such as caffeine, including coffee and soda, alcohol, and artificial sweeteners so that while their baby is in utero s/he will stay healthy. To give these things up for me have been miniscule.

For me, the most challenging portion of this pregnancy has been the dichotomy between taking care of your body to the best of your ability while letting go of what your body does. By letting go of your body I don't mean driving through the McDonalds drive in every day....or stopping to work out. By letting go of your body I mean allowing the natural course of pregnancy upon your body take place without much resistance. There are many things that happen to ones body while one is pregnant that I had no clue about, such as, leg cramps (many times in one night), getting a bloody nose, nausea, less energy, shortness of breath due to the baby and all of your organs pushing up on your lungs, waking up in the middle of the night and not being able to go back to sleep, and naturally, gaining weight. All of these things that occur during pregnancy you have little to no control over. Again, the dichotomy of taking care of your body yet allowing your body to take its natural course during pregnancy is a sacrifice, yet one that I know will be worth it once our baby Sofia is born.

I am drawn back to Mary, the mother of Jesus. She had the ultimate sacrifice, she had to let go of her son, while he was working in ministry and ultimately when he died on the cross. This reflection makes me put into perspective my own sacrifices for Sofia. These small physical changes will pass. The leg cramps will go away. My energy will come back. I will loose the weight. I also reflect upon my own mother. She has told me that when I went to Annunciation House, when she dropped me off, she gave me to God more fully. She knew that the year would be a huge challenge for me and she also knew that the environment on the border (El Paso/Juarez in August 2003) was a bit unruly. She paralleled herself to being Mary and me as Jesus. New life came of the experience of Annunciation House for both my mother and I. My mom has always trusted in God's strength and love but from my perspective it seems as if my Annunciation House experience deepened her relationship with God. For me, Annunciation House taught me many things...but I think the biggest thing I learned while I was there was that life is about a continual cycle of life, death and resurrection. Sometimes life is wonderful, sometimes challenging, sometimes non-eventful....all of these times we must treasure; we must treasure the wonderful times for God's graces during these periods, the challenging times for the opportunity to grow closer to Christ, and the non-eventful times for helping us see God in all things. Death is something we as humans cannot avoid. It happens when something we planned does not occur, it happens when a goal we thought we were going to reach is not within reach, it happens when a loved one dies. These things are not the end...we are resurrection people. We believe that all of these things have a deeper meaning. We believe that if something we planned does not occur its because there is a bigger purpose. We believe that when a loved one dies they are with God, they are now with us in a new way, and we will see them again. Where there is life and death, there is resurrection. Mary learned and knew this. The little crosses I am baring, they too shall pass.

I am also aware that at some point in Sofia's life I will have to give up Sofia to where God is calling her. Maybe she'll have a deep desire to be a missionary in a foreign country (like her mother and father). While both Mike and I would love to raise a daughter who feels compelled to travel the world, help people in need, and be an advocate for social justice, having her leave for a few years to a foreign country would be difficult. We would support her; but having her away for so long would not be easy. Currently this is something that is hard to think about since I am in the beginning stages of being her mother. The point I am trying to make is that a mother's sacrifice is cyclical. There is life, death, and resurrection occurring throughout the intertwined lives of a mother and child. I believe the way to live through these cycles is to remember that God is in control, is with us through every stage, and that there are abundant graces present at every stage, we've just got to recognize God in all things and at all times.