Feb. 27th, 2011: 40

Last night as I was laying in bed the number 40 struck me. As many people know women are pregnant for 40 weeks. In the Bible the number 40 is repeated several times; it rained 40 days and 40 nights when God wanted to cleanse the world and start over (Gen. 7:13), the Israelites spent 40 years in the wilderness (Ex. 16:35), Jesus fasted for 40 days in the wilderness before starting his public ministry (Matt. 4:1-2), and Jesus' ascension to heaven occurs 40 days after the Resurrection (Acts 1:3). These are only some of the examples in the Bible where the number 40 is referred to. While our Catholic faith teaches us that numbers in the Bible should not be taken literally but symbolically, it's an interesting comparison, for me, that the number 40 in the Bible could have some connection to the number of weeks a woman is pregnant.

In the Bible the number 40 denotes a time period when God made major changes so that transformation could occur. Usually it's a time period of testing, probation or trial in preparation for a period of restoration, revival, or renewal; essentially the 40 days/weeks/years is a period of time in preparation for a special action of God. For a pregnant women, naturally, the special action of God is the birth of a new life, a creation of God. In my opinion, the time period which the number 40 denotes, while can be perceived and feel like a time of trial and tribulation, is a time of grace. It is a time of grace because we are able to reflect upon our lives as God's beloved and we are given the opportunity to change our ways so that who we are as God's beloved can more clearly be reflected in our actions, hearts, and words. Those 40 days/weeks/years prepare us to see and feel God more "nearly, clearly, and dearly" (St. Ignatius, Godspell, and Richard of Chichester in the 1200s).

As we approach Lent, a period of 40 days, we are to recall the traditional pillars of Lent: prayer, fasting, and almsgiving. These pillars, if practiced, renew our baptismal promises, bring us closer to Christ, and help us to grow into the people that God called us to become. The number one way to get closer to God is to pray. If we cut off our communication with God and we don't pray there cannot be a two-way relationship. During this season it is of utmost importance that prayer is central. Fasting is a practice of self-discipline and self-control. It is often an aid to prayer, in that pangs of hunger help us to recall our pangs for God. The fasting that we observe during Lent should call us towards transformation. If we fast, merely because we have to, and the fasting does not cause any internal or external changes in our lives, then this is not the type of fast that God is asking of us. Fasting also helps us to recall those in our world who do not have food at their tables. It brings us closer in solidarity with them. Almsgiving, in the form of money and/or time, is a sign of our care for those who are in need. It is also an expression of thanks to God for all that we have been given in our lives. As we all know, Lent is a time of preparation for Jesus' resurrection. If we are proactive in our faith lives, these forty days can be very grace-filled. Ultimately, this preparation helps us to become more present and alert to God and Easter when it comes.

What about the 40 weeks of pregnancy? The connections one can draw between the Biblical notion of 40 and the 40 weeks of pregnancy are many. Pregnancy is a time of trial in that your body is pushed to many limits, one gets little sleep, feels nauseated, swollen, bigger in size, has less energy, gets leg cramps, has bloody noses...and the list goes on. Beyond the physical aliments there are also the emotional and spiritual struggles one experiences: Am I ready to be a mother? Why is God asking me to be a mother now? How am I going to raise a good Catholic child in a world that is full of evil and sin? Yet, while all of this is going on during these 40 weeks my husband and I are preparing for what is to come (similar to Lent). We are preparing by asking God daily for the grace and the strength to be good parents, researching what we can in preparation for her arrival, and setting up a home where she can grow and mature into the wonderful young woman we hope she becomes. These 32 weeks and 6 days, while there have been some challenges, have been so grace-filled. This time period has brought me closer to God, my husband, my family, friends, community, and myself. I enjoy every movement I feel within me. Each kick is a sign of health and vitality. Every ultrasound has brought me either to tears or close to tears in recognition of the grace of God's creation within me. God is very present and it is awesome to know that this child within me is also God's beloved.

In some sense prayer, fasting, and almsgiving, for me, started to occur more intensely the day I found out I was pregnant. I began to pray for God's graces during and after the pregnancy. I began fasting from coffee, certain cheeses, deli meat, other foods, and other things such as my more intense workout schedule (due to my body being so tired). And I am giving of my time, all of the time, to a life, within me, that is in need of nourishment and love. I have also grown even more passionate about the anti-abortion movement. I have always truly believed that life begins the moment the egg and sperm meet. After seeing my first ultrasound I feel that every woman who is about to have an abortion should be required to see the life that is within her in an ultrasound before any procedure takes place. After seeing their child I bet their minds and hearts will be challenged. Our first ultrasound was at 12 weeks...and our little Sofia was fully formed...arms, legs, head...everything! My husband and I heard her heartbeat and we both cried. Anyway, in the sense of almsgiving, I know that this period of pregnancy has brought me closer to those who are vulnerable, the unborn.

I think our mindset has a lot to do with the way one experiences pregnancy and Lent. I have chosen to relish these 40 weeks of pregnancy as a time period that is grace-filled. I have chosen to enjoy this pregnancy, at every stage, no matter how challenging it may seem to be. How often in one's life is one pregnant? How often in one's life does one feel the pitter patter of little feet tapping the inside of one's belly? How blessed are Mike and I, that we are fertile and we can have children? We are abundantly blessed and even though pregnancy is not easy it is a time of relishing God within and around.

As can be sensed from what I have written, Lent is a period of time that, in my opinion, is very similar to pregnancy. One can dread Lent as a time of mourning, pain, and giving things up. However for me Lent is one of my favorite liturgical seasons, in that it is a time that God has given us to grow closer to God while also growing closer to whom God has called us to become. Lent is a time of preparation and anticipation, struggle and grace. As the season of Lent approaches, Wed. March 9th, how will you prepare for Easter? How will you use the opportunity God has given you, during the season of Lent, to grow closer to God?

Feb. 24th, 2011: The Unsung Heroes and Heroines of Our Parishes

(This article was written for the People of God, the Archdiocesan Newspaper for the Archdiocese of Santa Fe. It will be published in April.) Parish secretaries and receptionists, in my opinion, are the unsung heroes and heroines of our Catholic parishes. First, they greet all people who walk into our parish doors. They are the first face that all people meet and are the first impression of our parishes. Second, they tend to have many projects, atypical of a regular secretary or receptionist, which the parish needs to function. For example, many secretaries/receptionists put together the weekly bulletin, others schedule liturgical ministers, one particular secretary I just met does all the behind the scenes work for baptisms, weddings, and quinceañeras. Third, they interact with a population that is in desperate need of social services. Many times secretaries/receptionists receive walk-ins or phone calls from people in need of assistance for rent, utilities, food, clothing, and/or shelter. They attempt to connect people to services throughout our cities and towns.

On Wednesday, February 16th, at the Hotel Albuquerque, to better equip our church secretaries/receptionists with the knowledge of what social services exist in our counties, Catholic Charities, offered a free lunch and presentation to 60 church secretaries/receptionists; 28 parishes from Albuquerque, Santa Fe, Belen, Rio Rancho, and Corrales, were represented.

The afternoon started with a wonderful New Mexican meal catered by Hotel Albuquerque complimented by classical guitar playing by a local musician, Ben Chinisci. Following this we had a presentation given by myself, Rosie Chinea Shawver, and a representative from each of our five different centers (Center for Self-Sufficiency and Housing Assistance; Center for Community Involvement; Center for Educational Opportunity; Center for Immigration and Citizenship Legal Assistance; and Center for Refugee Settlement and Support) describing the services that Catholic Charities provides in the Archdiocese of Santa Fe. The afternoon reception ended with providing additional information on additional places, outside of Catholic Charities, where secretaries/receptionists can refer people to for social services in their counties.

In the afternoons final prayer we asked God to surround us and fill us His Spirit. We asked that we be a light for God’s people and to be salt for a community who is caught in the struggles of everyday life. In this brief encounter I had with the secretaries/receptionists from our parishes I am in awe of the ministry that they do and feel called to. They are the light in our parishes leading and caring for those who are drained by societal woes. Our secretaries/receptionists are the salt that helps us and others preserve their inherent, God-given, dignity and grow closer to whom Christ has called them to be. Next time you see your parish secretary/receptionist I urge you to thank them for their ministry.

Feb. 20th, 2011: Valentine's Day

I know this blog is about a week late but I still have a desire to write about Valentine's Day. In Catholic history, there is discrepancy on who St. Valentine's was. Some say he was a martyr of the Christian faith because he would not renounce the faith. Others say he was a priest whom was jailed for defiance of marrying Christian couples and aiding Christians whom were being persecuted during the reign of Claudius in Rome; both of these things were considered a crime. Then once in jail Valentinus (true name of St. Valentine's) attempted to convert the emperor leading to Valentinus' death. While another account states that he was a bishop in Terni where he was beheaded in a purge of priests in an effort to eradicate the faith. Since there are no clear details on who St. Valentine's was the Catholic Church in 1969 decided to drop him out of the Roman calendar and we therefore do not celebrate his feast day. However, he is known as the patron saint of love, lovers, couples, engaged couples, and happy marriages, amongst other things.

The roots of Valentine's Day are supposedly rooted in a Roman festival called Lupercalia that was celebrated on February 15th. On this day a young single man would draw a lady's name in a lottery style fashion and for one year he would have her as a sexual companion [sounds a little scandalous and sexist to me]. Pope Gelasius I decided that this custom was not of virtue so he changed the custom so that both men and women had to choose a name in a similar lottery system, however, the name was now to be that of a saint. The name they choose represented the saint they had to emulate for an entire year. St. Valentine's became the patron of this new feast (instead of Lupercus, the God whom the Romans celebrated on the festival of Lupercalia). Roman men, obviously upset that essentially they did not have a promised sexual partner for a year, still sought the affections of women on this date and would write women messages of love that included the name St. Valentine's.

This Valentine's day was the first one where I am married; and the only one Mike and I will have as a married couple without children. I should have been excited and overjoyed that I didn't have to look for a "valentine" on this day of love...I have one for as long as we both shall live. Yet, this Valentine's Day I was perturbed. For over a month before the day I began hearing about jewelry, chocolate, and flowers. I heard the whisperings of young people looking for dates [substantive or not] for this one night. Honestly, for the first time, I was annoyed with the consumerism following this supposed day of love and the pressure that it created for people around the country to "find a date" or "find a significant other to celebrate this holiday with." How can society put such pressure on everyone to purchase junk that will either spoil, get rotten, or in the case of jewelry, be bought when it's not truly needed; in my opinion expensive jewelry is an over-indulgence, I rather see people fed, housed, and given their most basic necessities than have another ring or necklace.

On the day itself there was one facebook status that caught my attention. It was from a student I worked with while I was the campus minister at the Newman Center in Albuquerque. Lily wrote, "today is not just for couples, it's a celebration of relationships, that being of whomever you wish to share it with - a friend, an animal or even cherishing your relationship with God. We all love something in our lives so cherish it today." Isn't this what we should focus on?!?! It's a day to celebrate all loving relationships! One of my most memorable Valentine's days in college was just hanging out with my girlfriends, and one guy friend, at a Panda Express for dinner. This Valentine's day Mike and I stayed home, ate left over pulled pork sandwiches, and spent time with one another. We didn't go crazy spending money, rather, we spent quality time conversing and enveloping ourselves in the love that we share.

I also think that reflecting upon our relationship with God on this day, and every day, is of utmost importance. Without God there would not be the possibility to feel the love of others. We must thank God daily for the love that we have with our family, friends, and acquaintances, while also simultaneously asking God to help us love others better.

Beyond Valentine's Day, as Christians, don't the Gospels tell us to love our neighbor, love our enemy, love everyone all of the time? Why does our love have to be contained only one day a year on a consumerist, pressured, holiday? Love all of the time. Don't take advantage of the love you have in your life. Tell the people you love that you love them as often as you can, both in actions and words. And lastly don't allow Valentine's Day to "get you down" if you don't have a date with a significant other. This is just society's way of attempting to place labels on people and to have people spend more money on junk they don't need. Cherish and relish the relationships you do have on Valentine's Day; sulking relationships you do not have, on this, in my opinion, secular holiday, does not help you cherish and value the graces that God has already placed in front of you on a daily basis.

Feb. 6th, 2011: "The Power of Boundless Compassion"

A few days ago I finished reading Fr. Greg Boyle SJ's book, Tattoos on the Heart: The Power of Boundless Compassion. I was inspired to read this book following Fr. Boyle's visit and presentation to a group of us in Albuquerque. The book is set in Boyle Heights, inner city Los Angeles. Fr. Boyle, a native of a more affluent part of Los Angeles, has been working in the Boyle Heights neighborhood for over 20 years. In Los Angeles county, according to Fr. Boyle's book, there are approximately 1,100 gangs and 86,000 gang members. In Fr. Boyle's time in Boyle Heights he has buried over 170 young people whom were connected to gangs. One of the poorest, high drug dealing, and most gang inhabited areas in Los Angeles is Boyle Heights. From my reading of his book, Fr. Boyle knew from the start of his placement in Boyle Heights that something needed to change. In 1986 Fr. Boyle created what is now known as Homeboy Industries (http://www.homeboy-industries.org/). Homeboy Industries is a multi-structred rehabilitation and gang intervention center for people who were part of a gang. There are free counseling services, tattoo removal, employment opportunities, legal services, and much more at Homeboy Industries. The book and Fr. Boyle's presentation goes beyond describing the services provided by Homeboy Industries, it breaks down exterior boundaries of tattoos and guns and provides a glimpse of the deep, hurt souls of those whom are bound in lives of turmoil, despair, and feeling unloved. These, for the most part children and young adults, through their encounter with Christ, in one another - including rival gangs, in Fr. Boyle, and in the trust of Homeboy Industries, go from harm and despair to hope and feeling loved.

One of the main themes I gathered from the book and Fr. Boyle's presentation is one that we learned in kindergarten, never judge a book by it's cover. There is always a story behind how and why someone ends up where they end up. And just because someones history is spotty, from our standards, God loves them and they still have a chance for success. To fully appreciate God we must allow ourselves to open our eyes and hearts to everyone, including those who have tattoos and dress like a homey. We must not feel pity for people rather we must be in kinship. When Jesus walked into a room full of people he usually went to the outcasts and sat with them. He ate with them. He didn't act superior to them. Rather, he was one of them...he, himself, was shunned, on the outskirts of society, and seen as different. Jesus was in kinship with the most vulnerable in his time. This is what Fr. Boyle describes, how we must all move towards kinship with those who are most vulnerable in our time. I don't think Fr. Boyle's intention is for all of his readers to work and be with people in gangs; I think Fr. Boyle's intention is much more broad, "Do the thing that is in front of you," spoken by Mother Theresa. This is what I believe is what Fr. Boyle is attempting to get his readers to understand, be in kinship with the most vulnerable in your neighborhoods, cities, and towns. In Albuquerque, in my opinion, the most vulnerable are children - due to the high poverty levels and poor education system we have in the state of New Mexico, immigrants and refugees, people who are homeless, and the incarcerated. We must open our eyes and our hearts to those in front of us. We cannot continue to hide behind our white picket fences and only pray that God will change the unjust structures in our societies; prayer and action are two components of faith that are intertwined so tightly that to have one and not the other will not challenge us to become fully whom Christ created us to become. Kinship, knowing the other, being in solidarity with the other, so that the word "other" one day does not exist, this is what Fr. Boyle and Jesus both challenge us to do.

On Friday night, for our two year anniversary of our proposal, Mike, took me to see the musical, Wicked. The plot to this musical, naturally, is very different from Fr. Boyle's book, yet, there are common threads that I think are important for us to digest. Essentially Wicked is a musical about how the Good Witch and the Wicked Witch of the West from the Wizard of Oz become who they become. It gives us a glimpse of their histories, how they were treated when they were children, and how this influenced choices they made while they were adults. It's a story about betrayal, romance, and friendship. Ultimately I believe it is also about "not judging a book by its cover." There is a reason the Wicked Witch becomes the Wicked Witch (a story I will not tell on my blog, this is a must see musical). Again, we are called to look past the exterior of a person and look into the heart and soul of the person God created him or her to be. We must not allow the media and society to tell us how to look at people, rather, we must meet people face to face, listen to them and respond with care, love, and compassion. We must be in kinship.

I know that the message of this blog is quite simplistic, and some might think trite, yet, I think that we can use the reminder to not judge people, the homeless, gang members, people of different ethnicities, different sexual preferences, etc., and allow God who is within them and whom loves them without boundaries to shine through. We must be vessels of compassion always to everyone. This will allow us to grow closer to Christ. Also it will allow those whom we are showing compassion to, to see and feel Christ. We must also remember it's not about superiority its about kinship. And who knows where kinship and love might take you; you might be the first person to show those living on the margins that they are loved by God. Or, rather, you might recognize the deep love that God has for you.

Feb. 2nd, 2011: Guatemala in My Blood

I just finished reading a fabulous book called, Guatemala In My Blood: How Nursing in Remote Jungle Villages Revolutionized my Life. The book was given to me by a nurse who comes to visit Mike & I weekly to give us, as first time parents, education on prenatal care and will meet with us weekly until Sofia is three years old, continuing our education on raising a child. It's an amazing program for both Mike & I because we have a lot of questions and it's wonderful to have the extra medical support, free of charge. Anyone can enroll in this program, regardless of socio-economic status and regardless of having or not having health insurance. http://www.stjosephnm.org/ I would recommend this program to any first time parents in the Albuquerque area! Our nurse, Sarah, is also an amazing person. She volunteered through the Peace Corps in Morocco, North Africa, where she did community health education (what my mom did in my hometown). And prior to that experience, Sarah, graduated from a Jesuit school in Washington. Anyway, Mike & I feel a connection to Sarah due to her international scope on life. She gave me the book, Guatemala in my Blood, because she knows about my fascination and love of Guatemalan people, we well as Mike's and my desire to, someday, do international missionary work.

The book is set in rural Guatemala in the late 1970s. Liz, a nurse, left her home in Washington, to volunteer with the Maryknoll Missionaries in 1977. She spent most of her time in a small town called Poptun. Liz was actually one of the first lay missionaries to join Maryknoll Missionaries. Prior to this time the only Maryknoll Missionaries were religious sisters, priests, or brothers. Therefore, due to this change in the Maryknoll system of missionary work Liz experienced a lot of challenges as a pioneer in Maryknoll's lay missionary program. Some of the problems she faced were in community life. She lived with several people, mainly priests, in a rectory. In their time as priests these men had not lived with a woman. This created inherit challenges. Another thing that Liz struggled with was the notion that people in the town of Poptun, and surrounding areas, at first would not give her as much clout/authority as a priest. Sadly, in my opinion, this perception of lay ministry is still very prominent across the world. It takes a strong lay person, especially a woman, to work within the Catholic Church, where there is a lot of "putting priests on pedestals", clericalism, and the lack of catechetical education of all practicing Catholics that we are all called to be prophet, priest, and king.

The book seems to give a "real" experience, and not a glorified one, of life in a third world country. It talks about community life, its challenges and its graces. The main focus of Liz's work in Guatemala was with helping establish a health care education program where she and a cohort trained people in Guatemala to be educators of health themselves. These people would train more people to be health care educators. It was created with the idea for it to both be self sustaining and educational for the people of Guatemala on things such as cleanliness, using a latrine, wearing shoes so that parasites could cease to spread, etc. Successfully, through all of the challenges, this program was created and is still flourishing. Guatemala in My Blood, educates the reader on how the program started and continues to live. Lastly, the most profound thing for me, was how Liz feel in love with the Guatemalen culture and people so much to the point that it still is ingrained in her heart. Guatemala and her people are in Liz's heart and are carried out in her actions now in the United States. Now in the United States, she continues to support the people of Poptun in different ways, such as praying for them and sending medical supplies to them. Most profoundly she adopted a young girl, whom now is a young woman, Maria, from Guatemala, whom she loves dearly. Overall, for those interested in Guatemala, missionary work, or a easy good read, I would recommend Guatemala in My Blood as a must read.

Feb. 1st, 2011: A Mother's Sacrifice

I had a tad of an idea, before I got pregnant, about the sacrifices that mothers take the moment they find out they are with child. As many people know mothers give up things such as caffeine, including coffee and soda, alcohol, and artificial sweeteners so that while their baby is in utero s/he will stay healthy. To give these things up for me have been miniscule.

For me, the most challenging portion of this pregnancy has been the dichotomy between taking care of your body to the best of your ability while letting go of what your body does. By letting go of your body I don't mean driving through the McDonalds drive in every day....or stopping to work out. By letting go of your body I mean allowing the natural course of pregnancy upon your body take place without much resistance. There are many things that happen to ones body while one is pregnant that I had no clue about, such as, leg cramps (many times in one night), getting a bloody nose, nausea, less energy, shortness of breath due to the baby and all of your organs pushing up on your lungs, waking up in the middle of the night and not being able to go back to sleep, and naturally, gaining weight. All of these things that occur during pregnancy you have little to no control over. Again, the dichotomy of taking care of your body yet allowing your body to take its natural course during pregnancy is a sacrifice, yet one that I know will be worth it once our baby Sofia is born.

I am drawn back to Mary, the mother of Jesus. She had the ultimate sacrifice, she had to let go of her son, while he was working in ministry and ultimately when he died on the cross. This reflection makes me put into perspective my own sacrifices for Sofia. These small physical changes will pass. The leg cramps will go away. My energy will come back. I will loose the weight. I also reflect upon my own mother. She has told me that when I went to Annunciation House, when she dropped me off, she gave me to God more fully. She knew that the year would be a huge challenge for me and she also knew that the environment on the border (El Paso/Juarez in August 2003) was a bit unruly. She paralleled herself to being Mary and me as Jesus. New life came of the experience of Annunciation House for both my mother and I. My mom has always trusted in God's strength and love but from my perspective it seems as if my Annunciation House experience deepened her relationship with God. For me, Annunciation House taught me many things...but I think the biggest thing I learned while I was there was that life is about a continual cycle of life, death and resurrection. Sometimes life is wonderful, sometimes challenging, sometimes non-eventful....all of these times we must treasure; we must treasure the wonderful times for God's graces during these periods, the challenging times for the opportunity to grow closer to Christ, and the non-eventful times for helping us see God in all things. Death is something we as humans cannot avoid. It happens when something we planned does not occur, it happens when a goal we thought we were going to reach is not within reach, it happens when a loved one dies. These things are not the end...we are resurrection people. We believe that all of these things have a deeper meaning. We believe that if something we planned does not occur its because there is a bigger purpose. We believe that when a loved one dies they are with God, they are now with us in a new way, and we will see them again. Where there is life and death, there is resurrection. Mary learned and knew this. The little crosses I am baring, they too shall pass.

I am also aware that at some point in Sofia's life I will have to give up Sofia to where God is calling her. Maybe she'll have a deep desire to be a missionary in a foreign country (like her mother and father). While both Mike and I would love to raise a daughter who feels compelled to travel the world, help people in need, and be an advocate for social justice, having her leave for a few years to a foreign country would be difficult. We would support her; but having her away for so long would not be easy. Currently this is something that is hard to think about since I am in the beginning stages of being her mother. The point I am trying to make is that a mother's sacrifice is cyclical. There is life, death, and resurrection occurring throughout the intertwined lives of a mother and child. I believe the way to live through these cycles is to remember that God is in control, is with us through every stage, and that there are abundant graces present at every stage, we've just got to recognize God in all things and at all times.