May 3, 2007: Emotionally Unavailable

Several times since I have been in this ministry students, mainly women, have come into my office and talked to me about relationships that they or a friend are in that are emotionally abusive and spiritually unfulfilling. I usually ask them the questions, why do you, or your friend, remain in this relationship? What are you or your friend giving to this relationship and getting by remaining in this relationship? It is interesting to see the eyes of students open up when they realize that they are giving a lot more than they are receiving. They usually come to the realization that these relationships are not fulfilling because of the imbalance and emotional unavailability of their counterpart. So why do those not being fulfilled stay in these relationships? Simply put...because they do not love themselves enough. And they do not embrace the love God has abundantly graced them with.

What is interesting is that this is not a phenomenon that happens merely in college. This is something that even as a post-graduate student I have dealt with. This has made me ask the questions, is it that these men are emotionally unavailable or are these men loving me in the only way that they can...but somehow that love does not fulfill me? Will the way a man love me one day fulfill me? Or is the only love that will fulfill me that of God? Or is it not that these men are emotionally unavailable but am I the one that is emotionally unavailable? If I don't love myself the way God loves me then doesn't that say that I am not completely emotionally available because I don't love myself enough? When do we begin to love ourselves enough? When do we know that we love, see and accept ourselves as God loves, sees and accepts us as we are?