September 20, 2007: Space

Space. A double entendre. Space as in distance. Space as in physical location. What creates a space? Objects, color, shape, texture, sounds, taste, smell. All of these things create a physical space. Memories - things that are beyond any designers imagination, also creates a space. Good, sad, joy filled, scary, heart warming, and heart breaking memories creates a space. How does one change a space that breaks your heart every time you enter it? How can one erase memories, good memories, from any space? Simultaneously, when I moved into my new duplex I was in the midst of beginning a fantastic relationship. The space I am in right now grew into becoming memories of an blooming relationship. In a sense, even though he did not live with me, the space became "our" space because we spent a lot of time there. Beyond my control the relationship ended. Amongst the many questions and emotions I am feeling on thing I struggle with is, how can I now change "our" space into "my" space? I cannot escape the memories. I cannot escape that good space. So what do I do? No memory creates a bad or sour space. Yet in the process of letting go I must change the space while still savoring the cherished memories.

What about space as in distance? There is a lot of distance between many of the people I love and myself. My parents, my best friend, and close friends are scattered around the country. I have not talked or heard from a man I love for over a week. What does this space do? Does it bring us closer? Does it tear us apart? What it does to me is tear me up inside. The space creates an ache in my heart. Yet, I know, space can bring about good.